Changes.

SO.


hopefully this entry will be a bit more cheery than the last one. :)


posting that last blog, it wasn't my intention to seek attention. and looking back and reading it, i saw that it could have come off that way. my goal with the last blog was to just write out my thoughts. journaling wasn't going fast enough and i type a lot quicker than writing and i wanted to document what i had written so i thought HEY PUT IT ONLINE! so i did.


i realized that everything that i was feeling last week was just a lot of self pity. the Lord was showing me what was in my heart and life that was not of Him and i didn't know what to do with it. He showed me my selfishness and the demons i hold onto instead of him. as soon as i came to this realization, this song immediately came into my head:


"So wash me and make me shine like Your Son.
i want to tell everyone that You're the only One.
So, take my heart & make it new & make it true & make it like You.
Take my hands, i lift them high. They're Yours, not mine, to do, do what You will."
Jared Anderson's version of Ready Now.


my last few sentences in my last blog, i remembered that my heart is a sanctuary for my Savior. and that i was putting people and things in place of His spot in there. He was convicting me, i guess You could put it. i was feeling so guilty of my actions and the bad parts of my heart, i was wallowing in self pity and it was tiring to my soul. Yesterday on Easter i got to spend the whole day to myself because i don't have any family to celebrate Jesus' resurrection. so, i spent basically the whole afternoon catching up with my Prince. turns out He was waiting for me there the whole time. <3 i found that He wasn't disappointed in me at all, just hurt and missing me, just like i was hurt and missing Him. i ran back into the safety of His loving embrace and cast all my cares on Him. He wiped them all away, and now i can feel such a peace in my heart and soul. WHAT A LOVING GOD WE SERVE! how i've missed His presence along side me at school and with my friends and with the ones that i love. He's already given me such wisdom and clear understanding of what i've been stressed and worried with. now i don't worry anymore. i pray. and with prayer, i release all that stress and worry with trust that my God has got it all under control and makes all things work together for my good.


now i feel such joy. JOY. i missed this joy. i missed this happiness and smile i can't wipe off my face because my God my God MY GOD has saved me from the troubles of this world and canceled my ticket to hell. i can and do live vibrantly knowing that God holds me in the palm of His hand with such love and care. <3


i've made changes to my way of thinking and my actions. they're small and subtle, but they've been so good to my heart and my King. the changes i've made may not be a big deal to someone else looking at me, but i can feel it and sense it. i know that the Lord is pleased with me and i know that He's going to keep loving me for the rest of eternity. and visa versa. :)


i'm falling, falling, falling, falling head over heels in love with Jesus again. and it feels so good. <3