Friendships.

Hello, my friends! It's been quite a while hasn't it? i've got a few things on my chest that i need to rant about, and You are fine with it, i'd like to word vomit on You. :)

Well, if You've read my older posts You will know that for the past two/threeish years i was very involved in church and such. i was there four (or sometimes five) days every week. In the internship i was a part of for so long, the friendships that were built were amazing. My friendships there meant the world to me and my leaders and accountability leaders were always there for me. i was happier than i ever was and my walk with Christ was growing quickly.

But now, as i look around me at the friends who are still here, and there is only ONE who attends church and actually makes an effort to keep our friendship going.

uhm......

WTF?

i'm sorry, but i am quite pissed about this. The scripts say to be Christlike, always there for each other and consistant. None of You are here for me now. i feel myself falling and steering away from the path, but i feel like i can't do anything about it. My feet have stopped moving. And i don't know where i am now. i haven't heard His voice and it's bringing the doubt back into my heart.

Where are You guys? i haven't felt the Lord's presence in my life in so long. i need help, and You aren't here. Did my accountability leaders not care about me in the first place? Were they just doing their job and then drop me when i left the internship?

And to my best guy friend that shall remain nameless for this blog. i miss You. Not having Your friendship has been the most hurtful to me. i don't have a male role model at home. i don't have a dad to share with me his wisdom and such about God with me. i don't have a dad to tell me how much he loves me. So, You were what helped me through that so many times. i never told You, but that's that. You are such an amazing person and i'm sorry if i did anything that pushed You away. but right now, i don't have any strong Christian males in my life at all and i need You. This is probably innapropriate to put on a blog, but whenever i think about You i can't help but cry because it feels like You left a hole in my heart.

i doubt any of You who i talked about will read this. Which just justifies that You are not there when i need You. None of You care. Sorry, that sounds kind of hurtful, but You hurt me.

And to that one friend that has been there through everything, thank You. You are incredible and You blow me away with Your love and kindness. Words cannot express the love i have for You and who You are. Thank You for everything, Morgan. i can't wait til You come back.

<3